VII
We say "ab-so-lut-ely"
When what we mean is "yes"
Four syllables have more emphasis
Than a single one - I guess.
And instead of "now" we say
"At this moment in time"
Padding out a sentence
Is not a grammatical crime.
"I myself am of the opinion ..."
What's wrong with "I think"
Its meaning is the same -
It's short - and it's succinct.
"There you go..." - "I mean to say" -
"You know what I mean"
All common pointless phrases
That dot the vocal scene.
English can be a concise language
But in recent years there's been a trend
To use six words where one would do
And every sentence extend.
Are these meaningless words used
Because we are so vexed
By the savage abbreviations
Of the world of text?
May 2007
Thursday 3 March 2011
DO WHAT WE TELL YOU - NOT WHAT WE DO.
VI
Everything must now be "green"
It is the new buzz word
That on newspapers and TV screens
Is constantly seen and heard.
But it is ordinary folk
Who have to bear the strain,
For we are told to walk, cycle
Or go by bus and train.
"Use public transport all the time"
Is what environmentalists say.
Have they ever tried to carry
A week's shopping this way?
To ensure their security
MPs need gas-guzzlers large;
Some drive around in one jag
With a spare one in the garage.
To save on fuel we are told
We shouldn't fly or drive,
So is it only Ministers
Who will use Terminal Five?
Written August 2007
Everything must now be "green"
It is the new buzz word
That on newspapers and TV screens
Is constantly seen and heard.
But it is ordinary folk
Who have to bear the strain,
For we are told to walk, cycle
Or go by bus and train.
"Use public transport all the time"
Is what environmentalists say.
Have they ever tried to carry
A week's shopping this way?
To ensure their security
MPs need gas-guzzlers large;
Some drive around in one jag
With a spare one in the garage.
To save on fuel we are told
We shouldn't fly or drive,
So is it only Ministers
Who will use Terminal Five?
Written August 2007
THE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED
v
When I was fit and young
Perfect vision had I -
Could read signs at a distance
Spot a bird soaring high in the sky.
Of course I took it for granted
Never once did I think or say:
Isn't it great - I'm so lucky,
I can see so well today.
Maturity gradually took its toll,
My sight was not quite so keen,
But I could still see everything
That needed to be seen.
When I reached my fifties
I was surprised to discover
That writing got smaller and fainter
On every packet and cover.
I knew I needed glasses
When I found myself in a trap:
I was driving in London one evening
And I couldn't read the map.
My glasses have slowly got stronger
And now I've reached the stage
When without them I cannot see
What is printed on the page.
If I tread this earth again,
Will I remember to be
Grateful for youthful good health
And being able to hear and see?
Probably not!
When I was fit and young
Perfect vision had I -
Could read signs at a distance
Spot a bird soaring high in the sky.
Of course I took it for granted
Never once did I think or say:
Isn't it great - I'm so lucky,
I can see so well today.
Maturity gradually took its toll,
My sight was not quite so keen,
But I could still see everything
That needed to be seen.
When I reached my fifties
I was surprised to discover
That writing got smaller and fainter
On every packet and cover.
I knew I needed glasses
When I found myself in a trap:
I was driving in London one evening
And I couldn't read the map.
My glasses have slowly got stronger
And now I've reached the stage
When without them I cannot see
What is printed on the page.
If I tread this earth again,
Will I remember to be
Grateful for youthful good health
And being able to hear and see?
Probably not!
THE I.T. REVOLUTION
IV
Humans have always been
Keen to communicate;
Cave paintings and pictograms -
Cuneiform - chalk on slate.
When Caxton started printing books
For ordinary folk to read
Did he know that he'd planted
A revolutionary IT seed?
And as we embark upon
The 21st century
Supersonic speed is reached
In Information Technology.
Broadband is de rigeur
For a modern machine
And tera-bytes will soon be here
For the really keen.
Google - Skype - web-cam -
It's great when they're o.k.
But even a sophisticated computer
Can have an odd off-day.
When it just will not work
You very soon reach a stage -
(Past annoyance and anger)
Of all-consuming rage.
The same statement appears again
And again - no less - no more,
Until you could smash it up
Or throw it on the floor.
I thump the keys and curse it -
It remains passive, but unbowed.
Computers are superior beings
And they're not easily cowed.
I threaten to get rid of it,
To throw it out and then
Return to the stress-free calm
Of parchment and quill pen!
(Of course I don't really mean it)
To Helen (with many thanks)
Humans have always been
Keen to communicate;
Cave paintings and pictograms -
Cuneiform - chalk on slate.
When Caxton started printing books
For ordinary folk to read
Did he know that he'd planted
A revolutionary IT seed?
And as we embark upon
The 21st century
Supersonic speed is reached
In Information Technology.
Broadband is de rigeur
For a modern machine
And tera-bytes will soon be here
For the really keen.
Google - Skype - web-cam -
It's great when they're o.k.
But even a sophisticated computer
Can have an odd off-day.
When it just will not work
You very soon reach a stage -
(Past annoyance and anger)
Of all-consuming rage.
The same statement appears again
And again - no less - no more,
Until you could smash it up
Or throw it on the floor.
I thump the keys and curse it -
It remains passive, but unbowed.
Computers are superior beings
And they're not easily cowed.
I threaten to get rid of it,
To throw it out and then
Return to the stress-free calm
Of parchment and quill pen!
(Of course I don't really mean it)
To Helen (with many thanks)
HEATHROW AND SNOW
IV
Why is a modern airport
Like London's Heathrow
Reduced to abject helplessness
By a couple of inches of snow?
We send probes to Jupiter and Saturn
To study their moons and rings
But a slight snowfall at Heathrow
Absolute and utter chaos brings,
I sympathise with would-be passengers
Trapped in the terminal cage
Emotions very soon go past
The resigned and tolerant stage.
* * * * *
But ... the air was pure and clear -
Not a contrail in sight,
All was calm and peaceful
The birds sang with delight.
The local people could enjoy
A good night's sleep - uninterrupted
They haven't had such a quiet night
Since Iceland's volcano erupted.
* * * * *
We knew that Saint Andrew
Had answered the passengers' cry
When his flag - crossed white contrails -
Appeared in a clear blue sky.
January 2011
Why is a modern airport
Like London's Heathrow
Reduced to abject helplessness
By a couple of inches of snow?
We send probes to Jupiter and Saturn
To study their moons and rings
But a slight snowfall at Heathrow
Absolute and utter chaos brings,
I sympathise with would-be passengers
Trapped in the terminal cage
Emotions very soon go past
The resigned and tolerant stage.
* * * * *
But ... the air was pure and clear -
Not a contrail in sight,
All was calm and peaceful
The birds sang with delight.
The local people could enjoy
A good night's sleep - uninterrupted
They haven't had such a quiet night
Since Iceland's volcano erupted.
* * * * *
We knew that Saint Andrew
Had answered the passengers' cry
When his flag - crossed white contrails -
Appeared in a clear blue sky.
January 2011
THE KITCHEN
III
I walked into my kitchen
That I'd cleaned the day before
And, as I looked around
A nasty shock was in store.
The work surfaces were grimy,
There were smudges on the door
The window frames were grubby
There were breadcrumbs on the floor.
I wondered how I'd missed the dirt
How the grime had not been seen
Then I took my glasses off
And my kitchen was pristine!
March 2011
I walked into my kitchen
That I'd cleaned the day before
And, as I looked around
A nasty shock was in store.
The work surfaces were grimy,
There were smudges on the door
The window frames were grubby
There were breadcrumbs on the floor.
I wondered how I'd missed the dirt
How the grime had not been seen
Then I took my glasses off
And my kitchen was pristine!
March 2011
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