CHRISTMAS AND THE SIEGE SYNDROME (115)

Christmas seems to bring out
The siege syndrome in us,
We shop and shop - and shop again
With aggro, stress and fuss.

Every shopping trolley,
Overflowing with food
Is steered by frantic housewives
And seems to include:

Enough food for an army
Or a third world family for a year;
At Christmas we make sure we have
Excessive festive cheer.

Dozens of loaves, tons of fruit,
Biscuits, sweets and cake,
Crates of coke and lemonade
Our Christmas thirst to slake.

Rivers of wine and spirits
Oceans of lager and beer,
Over the Christmas season
Running short is our fear.

We ate and drank - and drank and ate
All through Christmas day.
When I awoke next morning,
I found to my dismay ...

I had indigestion and a hangover,
In my head was an iron smelter.
There's still plenty of food and drink
But where is the Alka-Seltzer?

December 1990

The honest MP - 114

 

THE INCORRUPTIBLE  MP

 

We MPs are vital

Our country to uphold

Honest and incorruptible

For the whole world to behold.

                                                We are honourable members

 

I devote my entire life to

My country and constituencies

Surely I’m entitled to

Some small degree of ease.

                                                Within the law of course.

 

I had my house refurbished

Without financial pain,

Then I was able to flip homes

And do it all again.                  Everyone does it – can’t be wrong.

 

I rented out my luxury pad –

(The profits belong to me)

Now I need a place to live

So I rented another flat – free.

                                                It was legal – I did nothing wrong.

 

There is no reason to know

Any  Landlord’s name

My security could be at risk

And that would be a shame.

                                                My landlord is a friend – that’s o.k.

 

So though I have done nothing wrong,

Some people might not agree,

I’m grateful to the speaker

In his struggle for secrecy.

 

November 2012