COMPUTERS WERE INVENTED TO ANNOY US.

                                                   XCIII (93)

I'm sorry that your photographs
Disappeared in space -
Perhaps they are now being looked at
By a distant alien race.

All computers are evil
And malevolent creatures,
Driving their users to a fury
Is one of their main features.

We might think we own them,
But really they own us.
We let them take us over
We didn't make a fuss.

They make us log on every day
And if we do not
Viagra ads. fill our in-box
Junk mail - spam - the lot.

If we get ideas above our station
And think that we're the boss
Our computer promptly crashes
And makes us incredibly cross.

But if we approach them
With a meek and humble mien
They might let us see what we want
On our computer screen.

November 2006

Euthanasia

                                                             LXXXVII

I always write in the present tense, but the verses are not  always autobiographical.

When I was young I thought
Euthanasia was a good idea -
Who would want to live if they couldn't
Run - or see - or hear?

When I reached my sixties
I was not too sure,
Life isn't only about fitness
There is so much more.

In your seventies walking slows
As joints begin to fail,
All too soon you are on
The hip replacement trail.

All through your eighties
Mobility gets worse,
The natural ageing process
Is impossible to reverse.

But even if you're no longer
Too steady on your feet
Life is still worth living
Life can still be sweet.

Now that I have reached the age
When it might apply -
Remove DNR from my notes
I do not want to die!


(DNR - do not resusitate)
July 2006

FIVE-A-DAY

                                                     LXXXVI  (86)

Fruit and veg are good for you -
You must have five a day
It is the latest theory
What food experts all say.

Some people get quite worried
If they've only eaten four
And determine to do better
With five - or six -  or more.

And  how much is a portion?
I really wish I knew,
For I might eat too many -
Or worse still - too few.

Now we're told that salads
Can harbour e-coli -
Not a word from lettuce lovers
Don't you wonder why?

After wrecking Spain's salad trade
The Germans were forced to concede
That it was their deadly bean sprouts
That did the dastardly deed.

Advice on our diet keeps changing
And until it once again flips
I'm restricting my veggie intake
To mushrooms, baked beans and chips.

To R.B.
June 2011

MOBILE PHONES

                                                      LXXXV

I walked beside the River Bourne
Into my local town -
The autumn sun glowed on leaves
Of yellow, red and brown.

Above the murmuring motorway
Birds twittered loud and clear,
I passed a pretty young woman
With a phone clamped to her ear.

She chattered away continuously
Who said what - to whom,
The sort of personal things you say
When you're alone in a room.

She didn't see the sunset sky,
Or hear the church bells ring;
She didn't notice people
Or  hear the blackbird sing.

Children and dogs passed her by
But her glazed eyes completely missed
All the beauty and interest around
For her, they did not exist.

Then she started texting
With concentration supreme,
There was nothing in her world
But the eerily glowing screen.

Mobile phones are useful,
That no one can deny,
But users ignore their surroundings
Life just passes them by.


Bourne Meadows,
September 2005

OUR GRANDMOTHERS DIDN'T NEED HEALTH CLUBS

                                                             LXXXIX

In the good old days - long past -
A woman's work was never done,
Her household chores continued
From dawn to set of sun.

Household mod. cons didn't exist -
The average mother and wife
Accepted constant physical work
As part of her everyday life.

She didn't know that it was
An ideal keep-fit regime,
For her a calm and relaxing day
Was a dim and distant dream

She started washing on Monday
But did not realise
That mangling firm the upper arms
And walking tones the thighs.

Stirring a boiling copper
Slims the midriff and tum
And the hard Victorian seats
Did wonders for the bum.

A vigorous walk to the shops
Was an aerobic workout - what's more
Living in an unheated house
Burns calories galore.

Then housewives saw with joy
The convenience era arrive -
Warm and labour-saving houses
Now we don't walk - we drive.

But women found that in spite of
The healthy low-fat food they ate
Muscles lost their firmness -
And they put on weight.

So now we spend a fortune
Going to a health club and gym
To replicate the domestic tasks
That kept our grandmothers slim.

July 2002

LOVE - A WIDE RANGE OF MEANINGS

                                                           LXXXVIII

With a language as rich as English
It's really very strange
That the verb "love" is used
To cover such a wide range.

It describes how we feel about
Chocolate -  a tree -  a flower,
And your feelings for your newborn
Within the very first hour.

We use it to refer to Spring
Or Summer - and the sun,
A spouse or a lover,
A best-beloved one.

It's used in connection with
A country or cuisine
And family relationships
Deep rooted in the gene.

It's used for a hobby
A game or favourite sport
And the sort of friendships where
Time and distance count for naught.

How many words do the French have
To cover the experience of l'amour?
In English I think we need
At least a couple more.

But strangely - even though
The same word is used
For a continuum of emotions -
We don't seem to get confused.

July 2003

THE MOST EXPENSIVE FLESH

                                               LXXXVII (87)

What's the most expensive flesh
The world has ever known?
Pound for pound I think that
It could well be my own.

More expensive than smoked salmon,
Porterhouse steak or caviar?
I'll tell you why I believe
That I'm the winner by far.
...............
I decided that I simply
Had to lose some weight.
The body in the birthday suit
Was in a sorry state.

I joined a special club
To help me watch my weight
And apart from a joining fee
I had to pay on the gate.

I bought diet books and magazines
Exercise tapes and videos
And to provide incentive,
A small size in clothes.

I went to a keep fit centre,
Spent a week at a health farm -
Even though it cost me
A leg - and an arm.

After months of this regime
I found to my dismay
Only an ounce or two of fat
Had been slimmed away.

When the loss and cost are balanced
I think you will agree
That the world's most expensive flesh
Must belong to me!

April 1995