In mankind's early days
When civilization was in sight
Our ancestors had a barbecue
Almost every night.
They dined on free-range mammoth
Or additive-free deer,
And on feast days they would cook
An ostrich or a rhea,
Women always moan about
Their cooking facilities -
Said Mrs. Neanderthal "I need
A stone built fireplace, please."
"I want a covered kitchen"
The Stone-age housewife said,
"It would be so much easier
To keep the whole tribe fed."
"I must have a proper chimney"
Saxon woman cries,
"To let out all the smoke and soot
That gets into my eyes."
"If I don't have an oven"
Middle ages housewife said,
"How do you expect me to
Produce our daily bread?"
Stoves improved quite slowly
And we had a while to wait
Until the advent of the Aga
And gleaming black-lead grate.
Gas and electric cookers came next -
Now everything is micro-waved
So women have to go to work
To use the time they've saved.
We enjoy all mod-cons now
So that's our idea of fun?
Cooking expensive free-range meat
Outside in the rain or sun.
If our ancestors are watching
From somewhere in the heavenly sky,
They must be amazed when they see us
And wonder why they bothered to try.
September 1991
