I'M GLAD I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL

                                                                LXXXV

I'm told that beautiful women
Find it harder to cope with age
Than their plainer sisters
When they reach that certain stage.

If you've always seen a lovely face
In the mirror every day,
Wrinkles must be distressing
And hair that's thin and grey.

There are clinics that offer liposuction,
Botox and a face lift;
The family can pay for a boob job
As a Christmas or birthday gift.

These measures are expensive
And alas, alack one fine day
You'll find that your face has crumpled again
And your loveliness faded away.

If you never have been pretty
The problem does not arise,
You don't expect to see beauty -
You are used to averting your eyes.

I am glad I was not born a beauty
(Looks are but surface sham)
With long shapely legs and thick glossy hair ....
Oh what a liar I am!

February 2011

AN EXPENSIVE CLOTHES-HORSE

                                                LXXXIV      (84)

My doctor said that I should
Lose weight - and get in trim,
So I decided that I would
Join a local gym.

It cost a lot to join up
But at least it meant I could
Swim and work out every day -
That would do me good.

But as always happens
Life got in the way.
I couldn't get there once a week,
Don't mention once a day.

I will be going on holiday soon
And I really must
Put muscles on my flabby thighs
And firm up my bust.

Forget about the money
I'll buy an exercise machine,
Something comprehensive for
My keeping fit regime.

It was an expensive investment
But as the salesman said,
Keeping fit will be as easy as
Falling out of bed.

After the first few weeks
It wasn't touched at all.
For years it has been leaning
Up against the wall.

Will it ever be used again?
Perhaps - but goodness knows;
I now have an expensive stand
On which to throw my clothes!

September 2005