RONDEAUS - 118

I wrote several rondeaus as a writing exercise.
They are not autobiographical - just imagination.


WHEN YOU'RE GRIEVING ...
When you're grieving, what can friends say
After asking if you're o.k.?
Of course they sympathise with you,
But it's less painful for them to
Cross the road, look the other way ...

Some folk with false heartiness say
"Just wait 'till Spring is on the way
For they don't want to distress you
When you're grieving.

So though you may feel sad and grey
You must smile and make yourself say
"I'm fine - it's nice to see you to"
They then will ask what they can do
And with relief go on their way...
When you're grieving.



WHEN YOU ARE OLD
When you are old and Life is slow
You dream of days, so long ago
When you were young and full of fire
Could walk for miles and never tire,
With strengths that only young men know.

But Life is still sweet, even though
The signs of age begin to show,
You can but dream of sweet desires
When you are old.

But why, Lord, must we undergo
Indignities because we're slow,
And youngsters in bright tones inquire:
"So how are we?" - Life can be dire
When you are old.

October 1994

THE MODERN MOTHER GOOSE

THE MODERN MOTHER GOOSE – MS.GOOSE (SINGLE PARENT)

 

Mary, Mary, quite contrary

How do your verges grow?

With old tin cans

And rusting vans

And fag packets all in as row.

 

 

Little Jack Horner

Sat in a corner

Eating his soya-meat pie.

He found ‘tween his teeth

A piece of real meat

And said “What a lucky boy am I”

 

 

Curly-locks, Curly-locks wilt thou be mine?

Thou shall not dishes,

Nor yet feed the swine.

But sit on a cushion

And sew a fine seam

And feed upon strawberries, sugar and cream.

 

Thank you kind sir - I can never be thine,

I have a dish-washer and I love little swine.

I don’t like fine sewing – it bores me to tears,

I’m allergic to strawberries, haven’t eaten one for years.

 

Sugar is fattening, cream cloying and thick

So high in cholesterol it makes me feel sick;

Sitting still is bad, it makes your blood clot

I’m honoured by your offer Sir – but accept it I cannot.

 

March 1982

 

 

THE EXTENSION OF ENGLISH

 

 

                              THE EXTENSION OF ENGLISH

 

We say “ab-so-lut-ely”

When what we mean is “yes”

Four syllables have more emphasis

Than a single one – I guess?

 

And instead of “Now” we say

“At this moment in time”

Padding out a sentence

Is not a grammatical crime.

 

“I myself am of the opinion …”

What’s wrong with “I think”?

Its meaning is the same –

It’s short – and it’s succinct.

 

“There you go”-  “I mean to say”-

“You know what I mean” -

All these pointless phrases

Dot the vocal scene.

 

English can be a concise language

But in recent years there’s been a trend

To use six words where one would do

And every sentence extend.

 

Are these meaningless words used

Because we are so vexed

By the savage abbreviations

Of  the world of the text?

 

May 2007

CHRISTMAS AND THE SIEGE SYNDROME (115)

Christmas seems to bring out
The siege syndrome in us,
We shop and shop - and shop again
With aggro, stress and fuss.

Every shopping trolley,
Overflowing with food
Is steered by frantic housewives
And seems to include:

Enough food for an army
Or a third world family for a year;
At Christmas we make sure we have
Excessive festive cheer.

Dozens of loaves, tons of fruit,
Biscuits, sweets and cake,
Crates of coke and lemonade
Our Christmas thirst to slake.

Rivers of wine and spirits
Oceans of lager and beer,
Over the Christmas season
Running short is our fear.

We ate and drank - and drank and ate
All through Christmas day.
When I awoke next morning,
I found to my dismay ...

I had indigestion and a hangover,
In my head was an iron smelter.
There's still plenty of food and drink
But where is the Alka-Seltzer?

December 1990

The honest MP - 114

 

THE INCORRUPTIBLE  MP

 

We MPs are vital

Our country to uphold

Honest and incorruptible

For the whole world to behold.

                                                We are honourable members

 

I devote my entire life to

My country and constituencies

Surely I’m entitled to

Some small degree of ease.

                                                Within the law of course.

 

I had my house refurbished

Without financial pain,

Then I was able to flip homes

And do it all again.                  Everyone does it – can’t be wrong.

 

I rented out my luxury pad –

(The profits belong to me)

Now I need a place to live

So I rented another flat – free.

                                                It was legal – I did nothing wrong.

 

There is no reason to know

Any  Landlord’s name

My security could be at risk

And that would be a shame.

                                                My landlord is a friend – that’s o.k.

 

So though I have done nothing wrong,

Some people might not agree,

I’m grateful to the speaker

In his struggle for secrecy.

 

November 2012

The Big Issue Seller (113)

 

                                

 

                              The Big Issue Seller

 

It’s very satisfying

To lie tucked up in bed

While rain buffets the window

Inches from my head.

 

The seller of the Big Issue

I spoke to the other day

Was looking forward to winter shelters

So that he could stay …

 

Out of the cold and rain and wind

(Like most of us)

Instead of spending night after night

On a seat in an all-night bus.

 

Without dependents or addictions

It’s hard to get on a housing list.

It must be tempting to go and get

Completely stoned  and  … drunk.

 

 

October 2012

                                 

I LOVE MY LINES AND WRINKLES

 

 I love my lines and wrinkles,

They took decades to acquire.

They show wisdom and maturity -

To which we all aspire.

 

I regard them as trophies

Of good times and bad

When life was full of happiness  -

And when life was sad.

 

So why should anybody pay

An exorbitant amount

To try and airbrush out the past

As if it didn’t count?

 

Nip-and-tuck – face lift ..

These simple words can cover

Side effects from which it can

Take ages to recover.

 

And when folk keep staring,

They’re not admiring you

But wondering why you don’t look

As you used to do.

 

A tight expressionless face

When you’re 70-plus is bizarre,

So let us leave our lines and wrinkles

Just the way they are.

 

 

 

9.11.12

To J. – with love

 

 

BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT

BECAUSE  I’M WORTH  IT …  

Last week at the Dentist’s Surgery

I picked up a glossy beauty mag.

It told me what I should do

When I started to sag.

 

Don’t bother with diets and gyms, it said

Go straight for the surgeon’s knife

Your youthful looks will help you cope

With modern competitive life.

 

A simple face lift is so common

Everyone has one in this day.

It removes all lines and wrinkles –

The years just fall away.

 

Farewell drooping bosom;

Implants will enlarge and lift your bust,

Liposuction reduces spare tyres –

Well that’s an absolute must.

 

A botox jab may be toxic, but

Signs of age vanish without pain,

However, if the dose is wrong

You may never smile or frown again.

 

The whole works cost an arm and a leg

More than a luxury cruise,

But you know you are worth it,

So treat yourself, you can’t lose.

 

I’m solvent!  I’ve paid my debts

I’m beginning to forget all the pain,

So now I’m told to start saving

To do it again – and again.       September 2002

PEARS GALORE

We have an un-named pear tree,
We love its blossom and shade,
And fruit comes as a bonus
Once in each decade.
                                              This year we had a bumper crop.

The pears have a delicate flavour
i.e. no taste at all,
But my thrifty nature means
I must use them when they fall.
                                                 And we have a bumper crop.

Our pears supply a meal to
Many a type of grub,
There're the base of the food chain
A culinary hub,                         
                                                  And we have a bumper crop.

What can you do with
Hundreds of tasteless pears?
Even the starlings did not
Take their usual shares
                                                   Of our bumper crop.

The fridge and freezer are full of
Purees - chutney - pud.
I hope we never again have
A harvest so bountifully good
                                                   As this bumper crop of pears.

August 2012

OLD AGE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED

                                                                     109

When I woke up this morning
I thought of all I had to do -
Meals to cook - dishes to wash
Hoovering and dusting too.

The garden needs attention
And I must mow the lawn.
My allotment is full of weeds -
Neglected and forlorn.

As I lay there worrying
About my long work list,
I remembered an appointment
That could not be missed.

I was due to call on a dear friend
And despite our difference in years
With kindred spirit friendships
The age gap completely disappears.

Our discussions used to range
Over every subject 'neath the sun
And we leapt with ease from one topic
To another one.

My friend is now physically frail,
But her mind is sharp as a pin,
So she knows all too well
The state that she is in.

She's aware of the need for a hoist
And sleeping in a bed with rails,
Waiting to be taken to the toilet -
And the problem that entails.

She hears the concealed impatience -
The patronising voice,
Rubbish TV runs constantly
But she has no choice.

So when I think of all the work
That is waiting for me,
I remind myself to be grateful
That I can drive and walk and see.

To B.N.
April 2012

THE SAT NAV

I have a lady sat nav,
Her voice is calm and low,
She navigates so accurately -
Tells me where to go.

As I approach a roundabout
I'm told which road to take -
There's no reproach if I go wrong
And make a silly mistake.
                                                    Re-calculating she says

"Turn left" she then says
But I forget and turn right -
There is no ranting and raving
She remains perfectly polite.
                                                     Re-calculating.

And if I were to take
A wrong route yet again
She'd put me right so patiently
No sign of stress or strain.
                                                     Re-calculating

My sat-nav lady is wonderful
In my hour of need
But I fear that soon I'll be
Unable to map read.

June 2012
                                                                             

APRON STRINGS 107

When your children are infants
The bond is very tight,
They're on your mind each moment
Of every day and night.

You wonder how you'll manage
When they are not there,
When they no longer need - or want
Advice - concern and care.

The apron strings must be undone
And I think it is a good rule
To give the knots their very first nudge
Before your child starts school.

At first progress is very slow
So many knots must be undone
By the time your child is eighteen
You should be down to one.

You must loose the final knot
To prepare them for flight
But they must part the final strands
When they feel the time is right.

The apron strings are parted now,
But I always will maintain
No matter how long the knots have been free
The creases will always remain.

1988
To J and C (with love)

WADIA HOUSE AND WATER

Life in India has its aggravations
And we in Wadia House have ours too
They may not be global disasters, but
Minor trials are major, when they're happening to you.

Our main problem is water
It fills almost every waking thought,
Will we have a good supply today,
Or will everyone go short?

Twice a day the anguished drama
Rises to a stressful peak.
Has municipal water started to flow
Or has the mains pipe sprung a leak?

Then there's our old water pump,
It's temperamental and tired.
Though our mechanic does his best,
His skills leave a lot to be desired.

At last we hear the welcome sound
But too soon it fades away
The silent suspense is electric ...
Will we have another waterless day?

Advice and recriminations
Issue loudly from every door,
But our man is a robust individual
And of insults he has a goodly store.

At last we all hear with relief
The familiar vibration and thump -
Celestial choirs couldn't sound as sweet
As our clanking, rattling, ancient water pump.

Dedicated to my Wadia House friends with whom I shared
the daily drama. 

1994

RAJ TO REPUBLIC 105

Life was complex in the days between
Republic  and Raj,
As "now" and "today" gradually merged
With "ubhi" and "aaj".

From Indian culture we held aloof
Though we could speak the local tongue
Despite generations India born
To Western ways we clung.

As Indianization and emigration
Proceeded apace,
Our numbers fell and we became
A rapidly vanishing race.

Not everyone left India
As soon as independence came
We stayed on - finished school -
And life went on the same.

India never lets her children go -
No matter where they roam,
When you return to the land of your birth
You know you have come home.


From an Anglo Indian point of view.

MY PERSONAL POLTERGEIST

                                                                           CIV
When I heard about poltergeists
It really made my day,
At last I knew why things vanished
In such a mysterious way.

I've been called untidy,
But now I realise
I wasn't to blame when items
Disappeared before my eyes.

So whenever I lose my purse
(Which happens regularly)
I blame the poltergeist for moving it -
And hiding my key.

Spectacles are prime targets,
And a favourite ploy
Is to return them when I've given up,
He knows how to annoy.

I have pens a-plenty
But in his malicious way
The poltergeist finds my favourite pen
And hides that one away.

I put something in a safe place
Or file it away with care
Then when I want it - it's vanished,
And I can't find it anywhere.

When the items eventually return -
And they nearly always do -
They're either in a a most peculiar place
Or sitting in full and open view.

When my husband says I've lost something
My conscience will be clear,
Instead of arguing I'll just say
"It was the poltergeist, my dear."

MOTHERS' DAY

                                                                        C111  (103)

Show your mother that you care -
All the adverts urge,
If you've neglected her all year
Your conscience it will purge.

Buy her flowers and chocolates
Take her out to dinner
Send a big and flowery card -
That should be a winner.

Buy a Blackberry or Kindle
Get some tickets for a show;
This is not the time to
Think of cost you know.

And once you have convinced her
You're a devoted offspring
You can forget all about her
Until Mothers' Day next Spring.

March 2012

PROBLEMS NEED PERSPECTIVE

                                                                     CII  (102)
I've just had a horrible week,
Everything that could go wrong - did.
I was 2 minutes over parking time
And it cost me thirty quid.

My car did not want to start
When it did a tyre was flat,
I saw a chip on the windscreen
Now what on earth what did that.

I slipped, twisted an ankle
And fell with a painful crash;
It was only sprain thank goodness,
Not a break or a smash.

Then we had a power cut
And when the lights came on
The telephone was not working -
All computer connections had gone.

The weather has been terrible,
Gales - sleet - snow and rain;
I felt really fed up
And started to complain ...

Then I thought of the Japanese
Their suffering - stoicism - restraint.
My problems are mere pinpricks
I'll not utter a word of complaint.

January 2012
First anniversary of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami.

BOMBAY - CITY OF CONTRASTS

                                                                      101

This is a tribute to Bombay
The city of my birth
A place of enormous contrasts.
Wealth and squalour - sorrow and mirth.

The rich live in luxury dwellings
With everything money can buy,
Marble floors - silks and jewels,
If they want it, no price is too high.

The poor live by the roadside,
Running water's the drain overflow,
They live and they die on the pavement,
There's nowhere else they can go.

It's a town of many contrasts,
Religions - colours - creeds
There is generosity - kindness
And corrupt and evil deeds.

Near squalid, rat-infested slums
Where mange dogs root around,
In small patches of tropical green
Birds and butterflies abound.

It's a chaotic, congested city,
But the sunshine seldom fails.
|It's a measure of our tolerance
That peace nearly always prevails.


January 29th 1988

IT'S GOOD TO TALK and TALK and TALK

                                                                100
Some people cannot live without
Their personal mobile phone
A chattering companion
So that they're never alone.

They carry their phones everywhere
In case someone should call,
Or stand there - like Thisby -
Talking to a wall.

Even the rising cost of calls
Does not seem to deter
A compulsive conversationalist
Or true entrepreneur.

They ring in buses, trains and tubes
And I've heard their warbling call
Above the sound of an orchestra
In the Royal Albert Hall.

For many modern drivers
It is now de rigeur
To phone while they are driving -
Goodness knows how they change gear.

But the worst telephone-driver
Was a man I saw the other day
Exceeding the legal speed limit
In the usual M25 way.

His left hand held a telephone
His right lay on the steering wheel
From which he regularly lifted it
To emphasize or appeal -

Pointing and gesticulating
To his listener - unseen -
While driving somewhat erratically
On the highway of the Queen.

I've never had a car phone,
They're useful, I'm sure
And if I saw any dangerous driving
I could  always telephone the law.


July 1997

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SMOOTH YOUNG FACE...?

                                                                            XCIX

What happened to the smooth young face
That I used to see?
An older well-worn countenance
Now gazes back at me.

What happened to those youthful
Sparkling bright young eyes?
They're now fine-webbed with sunray lines -
Perhaps they are more wise.

Where is the alabaster brow
Untrammelled - free from care?
The marble is much older now
With cracks showing here and there.

What happened to the dimples
That dented in each cheek?
Where is the glossy nut brown hair
Shinning, thick and sleek?

I never will see them again
But it might help a bit
If I moved my mirror as far from the light
As the size of the room will permit.

June 1988

To me

THE PEDANT'S LAMENT

                                              XCVIII  (98)

As I get older I become
More annoyed and aggravated
By the Americanisms and bad grammar
That have been created.

When you ask: "How are you",
People reply: "I'm good"
Their morals are not my concern,
Could I say that? Wish I could.

"Like" instead of "as if"
Has been around so long,
Many people do not even
Realise that it is wrong.

Putting others first
Is a relic of time gone by,
So you hear "Me and my friends"
Instead of "My friends and I".

Extra words are added:
"Get off of" and "for free"
"You know" - "like" - "I mean" -
All quite unnecessary.

"I was sat there" is claimed to be
West country dialect;
Another way in which our lovely
Language has been wrecked.

And then we have
The wayward apostrophe.
Put in where it's not needed
And left out where it should be.

Some say that grammar doesn't matter -
Speech is just to communicate,
There's a word for this dumbing down
And the word is "mutilate"


13.12.2009.

PRINCE ALBERT'S REVENGE

                                                          XCVII  (97)

It's all your fault Prince Albert -
We have you to thank for this mess.
Our erstwhile green and shining fir tree
Can now be seen to possess ...

About half its original needles
And I know where the missing ones are:
Embedded in all the carpets,
In every room - and the car.

The English never liked Albert
Because of his Germanic roots,
They never fully appreciated
His many intellectual attributes.

Science and music were his interests,
But nobody cared about that,
So he inroduced the Christmas tree
In order to get his own back

Albert's revenge is still with us,
For as Christmas draws near
Houses are full of family,
Friends and seasonal cheer.

The average household is crowded
So what do people do?
Bring in a great big fir tree -
Some prickly holly boughs too.

The tree sits there - green and glossy
With fairy lights all aglow
But soon the warming effects of
Central heating start to show.

Every day the quantity
Of needle drop gets worse
And dogs and people help them
To spread and to disperse.

Even after twelfth night
It's not the end - I fear,
For weeks dead pine needles
Continue to appear.

To beat Prince Albert's curse
The only real remedy
Is to go and buy yourself
A needle-less, plastic pine tree.

December 2011

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

                                         XCVI  (96)  (This is my favourite verse.)

A sweet bird-loving country girl
Won the heart of a noble Lord.
His family did not approve
And hoped he'd soon get bored.

He sent his love a partridge
In a Conference pear tree
(At least that's what he said it was
As no leaves could he see.)

Two turtle doves then winged their way
Pursued by three French hens.
Four calling birds brought up the rear
Low flying o'er the glens.

But when he gave her five gold rings
Part of his family wealth,
They knew the time had come to act
With guile and secret stealth.

They said "to win your love
With large birds you must woo her."
Six laying geese and seven swans
Soon found their way to her.

He had no message from his love -
"Send servants" said his mother,
So he despatched eight milking maids
He'd borrowed from his brother.

"Send her men" his uncle urged,
Some nobles would be nice,
Nine lords leapt with alacrity
Before he could ask twice.

"Try music" urged his sister,
So the amorous young man
Sent drummers and dancers
And the pipes of the next door clan.

Those pipers were the final straw,
No more could she take,
Their riotious carousing
Had kept the maid awake.

Her family grew quite desperate
They knew not what to say,
They watched their farm deteriorate
With every passing day.

The swans were hissing at the geese
The drummers and pipers were fighting
The lords and ladies gaily danced
On next year's crop alighting

The maid returned the noble's gifts,
Thank you my Lord" said she,
I've only kept the partridge -
And it was a damson tree.

But one of your young drummer boys
Prefers this country life,
So he is going to stay behind
And I'm to be his wife.

1.1.1989

CHRISTMAS ROUND ROBIN

                                                        XCV  (95)

Every year at Christmas
Newsletters start to appear
And many circular swallows
Will be heading for me - I fear.

They're written in the third person.
Why should this be so?
Is there a round-robin etiquette
Of which I do not know?
###########
Jack and Jill have been working hard
(It's always the same)
Then they go and drop in
An unfamiliar name.

New Year saw the family
Skiing on Swiss mountain slopes.
Jill's a devoted and caring mum
It's amazing how well she copes.

The children excel at music and sport
They are extremely bright kids,
Jack's laptop came along too
For urgent business bids.

Jack and Jill jetted off to the Maldives
For some quality time together
Relaxing and unwinding -
They could rely on the weather.

Well, that's all from us,
We're spending Christmas in Spain -
Looking forward to all your news
I'll write next year again.

p.s. Happy Christmas!

MEMORY

                                                   XCIV (B.94)

What an efficient computer
Is the human memory
And what a very good one
My model used to be.

It stored billions of memories
Cross linked to smell and sound
And in a fraction of a second
Information could be found.

I never forgot a name or face
Or an anniversary
And millions of useless details
Were stored in my memory.

But as the decades rolled past
I was dismayed to find
A fall off in performance
Of memory and mind.

My memories of the distant past
Are all still crystal clear
But my short term memory is becoming
Shorter by the year.

My hard disc must be nearly full -
It's well past the half century.
A new hard disc is what I need
But then - I would not be me.

There is a silver lining to this cloud
(And one can always be found)
I can enjoy the same book or film
Many, many times around!


June 1995 - and things haven't improved.

COMPUTERS WERE INVENTED TO ANNOY US.

                                                   XCIII (93)

I'm sorry that your photographs
Disappeared in space -
Perhaps they are now being looked at
By a distant alien race.

All computers are evil
And malevolent creatures,
Driving their users to a fury
Is one of their main features.

We might think we own them,
But really they own us.
We let them take us over
We didn't make a fuss.

They make us log on every day
And if we do not
Viagra ads. fill our in-box
Junk mail - spam - the lot.

If we get ideas above our station
And think that we're the boss
Our computer promptly crashes
And makes us incredibly cross.

But if we approach them
With a meek and humble mien
They might let us see what we want
On our computer screen.

November 2006

Euthanasia

                                                             LXXXVII

I always write in the present tense, but the verses are not  always autobiographical.

When I was young I thought
Euthanasia was a good idea -
Who would want to live if they couldn't
Run - or see - or hear?

When I reached my sixties
I was not too sure,
Life isn't only about fitness
There is so much more.

In your seventies walking slows
As joints begin to fail,
All too soon you are on
The hip replacement trail.

All through your eighties
Mobility gets worse,
The natural ageing process
Is impossible to reverse.

But even if you're no longer
Too steady on your feet
Life is still worth living
Life can still be sweet.

Now that I have reached the age
When it might apply -
Remove DNR from my notes
I do not want to die!


(DNR - do not resusitate)
July 2006

FIVE-A-DAY

                                                     LXXXVI  (86)

Fruit and veg are good for you -
You must have five a day
It is the latest theory
What food experts all say.

Some people get quite worried
If they've only eaten four
And determine to do better
With five - or six -  or more.

And  how much is a portion?
I really wish I knew,
For I might eat too many -
Or worse still - too few.

Now we're told that salads
Can harbour e-coli -
Not a word from lettuce lovers
Don't you wonder why?

After wrecking Spain's salad trade
The Germans were forced to concede
That it was their deadly bean sprouts
That did the dastardly deed.

Advice on our diet keeps changing
And until it once again flips
I'm restricting my veggie intake
To mushrooms, baked beans and chips.

To R.B.
June 2011

MOBILE PHONES

                                                      LXXXV

I walked beside the River Bourne
Into my local town -
The autumn sun glowed on leaves
Of yellow, red and brown.

Above the murmuring motorway
Birds twittered loud and clear,
I passed a pretty young woman
With a phone clamped to her ear.

She chattered away continuously
Who said what - to whom,
The sort of personal things you say
When you're alone in a room.

She didn't see the sunset sky,
Or hear the church bells ring;
She didn't notice people
Or  hear the blackbird sing.

Children and dogs passed her by
But her glazed eyes completely missed
All the beauty and interest around
For her, they did not exist.

Then she started texting
With concentration supreme,
There was nothing in her world
But the eerily glowing screen.

Mobile phones are useful,
That no one can deny,
But users ignore their surroundings
Life just passes them by.


Bourne Meadows,
September 2005

OUR GRANDMOTHERS DIDN'T NEED HEALTH CLUBS

                                                             LXXXIX

In the good old days - long past -
A woman's work was never done,
Her household chores continued
From dawn to set of sun.

Household mod. cons didn't exist -
The average mother and wife
Accepted constant physical work
As part of her everyday life.

She didn't know that it was
An ideal keep-fit regime,
For her a calm and relaxing day
Was a dim and distant dream

She started washing on Monday
But did not realise
That mangling firm the upper arms
And walking tones the thighs.

Stirring a boiling copper
Slims the midriff and tum
And the hard Victorian seats
Did wonders for the bum.

A vigorous walk to the shops
Was an aerobic workout - what's more
Living in an unheated house
Burns calories galore.

Then housewives saw with joy
The convenience era arrive -
Warm and labour-saving houses
Now we don't walk - we drive.

But women found that in spite of
The healthy low-fat food they ate
Muscles lost their firmness -
And they put on weight.

So now we spend a fortune
Going to a health club and gym
To replicate the domestic tasks
That kept our grandmothers slim.

July 2002

LOVE - A WIDE RANGE OF MEANINGS

                                                           LXXXVIII

With a language as rich as English
It's really very strange
That the verb "love" is used
To cover such a wide range.

It describes how we feel about
Chocolate -  a tree -  a flower,
And your feelings for your newborn
Within the very first hour.

We use it to refer to Spring
Or Summer - and the sun,
A spouse or a lover,
A best-beloved one.

It's used in connection with
A country or cuisine
And family relationships
Deep rooted in the gene.

It's used for a hobby
A game or favourite sport
And the sort of friendships where
Time and distance count for naught.

How many words do the French have
To cover the experience of l'amour?
In English I think we need
At least a couple more.

But strangely - even though
The same word is used
For a continuum of emotions -
We don't seem to get confused.

July 2003

THE MOST EXPENSIVE FLESH

                                               LXXXVII (87)

What's the most expensive flesh
The world has ever known?
Pound for pound I think that
It could well be my own.

More expensive than smoked salmon,
Porterhouse steak or caviar?
I'll tell you why I believe
That I'm the winner by far.
...............
I decided that I simply
Had to lose some weight.
The body in the birthday suit
Was in a sorry state.

I joined a special club
To help me watch my weight
And apart from a joining fee
I had to pay on the gate.

I bought diet books and magazines
Exercise tapes and videos
And to provide incentive,
A small size in clothes.

I went to a keep fit centre,
Spent a week at a health farm -
Even though it cost me
A leg - and an arm.

After months of this regime
I found to my dismay
Only an ounce or two of fat
Had been slimmed away.

When the loss and cost are balanced
I think you will agree
That the world's most expensive flesh
Must belong to me!

April 1995